Regrets
by Candified Chaos
Summary: Even after I brought her through hell, she still wept for me.


I stood with shaky breaths as I stared at her door. A door that I had gotten so used to, the door that I had left behind. I could feel tears slip down my cheeks, cold and lifeless tears. There was a moment where I felt all time stop, and the only thing I could hear were my own breaths. This..I..this..I shouldn't be here. I..I only cause pain and besides, I gave it up. I gave this life up, I gave it all up, but here I am again..

 **I know I took the path that you would never want for me**

 **I know I let you down, didn't I?**

 **So many sleepless nights where you were waiting up on me**

 **Well I'm just a slave unto the night**

 _"One cup of coffee please." The blonde haired girl in front of me ordered. I couldn't help but smile when I looked at her hair. It was just so...shiny. It made me want to touch it._

 _"That'll be 2.48$." The cashier stated and I watched the girl dig through her purse for some change. She frowned when she was only about to pull out two 1$ bills and kept desperately searching through it, obviously hoping to find fifty cents._

 _"Here take it." I said and placed two quarters on the counter. She turned around to face me, our eyes finally meeting, and she sent me a small smile._

 _"Thank you."_

 **Now remember when I told you that's the last you'll see of me**

 **Remember when I broke you down to tears**

 **I know I took the path that you would never want for me**

 **I gave you hell through all the years**

 _"Are you stalking me?" The blonde haired girl asked as I approached her at the coffee shop the next day. I chuckled a little bit and took the seat across from her. She eyed me suspiciously for a second before returning to the book she was reading._

 _"Nope, just here to get my 50 cents back." I said and leaned onto the table, my head resting in my hand._

 _"Hm?" she said, cocking an eyebrow at me "I don't have any change on me right now, if you're here tomorrow, I'll get it to you then."_

 _"Nah it's fine." I gave her a toothy grin "How about instead -for payment- we just hang out?"_

 _"Deal."_

 **Now remember when I told you that's the last you'll see of me**

 **Remember when I broke you down to tears**

 **I know I took the path that you would never want for me**

 **I gave you hell through all the years**

 _"It's nice out." My best friend said by my side, smiling up at the night sky. The moon light shining off her hair, making it radiant through the night. It had been over a year since the coffee shop, and we've been getting a whole lot closer ever since._

 _"It is." I nodded in agreement as we walked through the town. We had gone out for dinner at a new Chinese place that opened up recently, and time had just rushed passed us. I smiled quietly unto the night, enjoying her presence. Her shouder grazing my elbow every few seconds, and the tingles I got when it did. I just felt like I could do anything with her. I could be anyone._

 _"To your place then?" I asked, throwing my arm over her shoulder. She didn't tense at all, which was definetely a good sign. I let myself relax, feeling the comfort of her golden hair tickling my arm._

 _"I guess so." She said as we walked up to her apartement building. I gave a small chuckle as a response. The girl removed my arm from her -despiste my enjoyment- and stared at me directly in the eyes._

 _"Um...uh.." I muttered, not breaking eye contact. Then suddenly, I couldn't control myself anymore. Immediately I felt my lips on top of hers. She didn't back away, and I took that as an invitation to pull her closer. She kissed me back, throwing her arms around my neck._

 _It was just me and her._

 **I've been around the world and never in my wildest dreams**

 **Would I come running home to you**

 **I've told a million lies but now I tell a single truth**

 **There's you in everything I do**

 _"Happy Valentines day." I greeted my best friend as I (uninvitedly) walked into her apartement, holding a heart shaped chocolate box. The blonde haired girl looked up from her couch to see me, her eyes were puffy and red. I immediately dropped the box, not caring about the contenants that fell onto the floor, and rushed to her side._

 _She looked at me with wide eyes, as if she was trying not to cry. She was trying to be brave for my sake."My...my father..he's.." She started mumbling and burst into tears_.

 _I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a hug, shushing her. I felt the dampness of her tears hitting my vest, but that didn't matter right then. The only things that mattered was her._

 **Now remember when I told you that's the last you'll see of me**

 **Remember when I broke you down to tears**

 **I know I took the path that you would never want for me**

 **I gave you hell through all the years**

 _"I love you." I told her with the same toothy grin that I had given her before. She returned the smile. Her smile was so big that it could brighten the room. And she looked dazzling in her dress._

 _"I know." She said jokingly, but I could tell in her eyes that she loved me too. I could tell it from the moment we met, and I felt it in my own heart too. I couldn't be happier now. And I could tell in my heart that this is how I'll feel with her by my side forever. Waking up to her face every morning, eating her cooking every day, just to feel her warmth in my arms when I feel lonely._

 _"You may now kiss the bride." The pastor said. I did as he said, the world around us dissolved like it always did when we kissed._

 _It felt like there was nothing wrong with this world, and our life would be perfect together._

 _I wish my mind wasn't so naive back then._

 **So I, I bet my life, I bet my life**

 **I bet my life on you**

 **I, I bet my life, I bet my life**

 **I bet my life on you** _"Why are you back so late?"_ _my wife asked as I entered the apartment. I looked at her for a moment, trying to hide the anger in my eyes. It wasn't her I was mad at, but I might not be able to stop it if it was directed at her._

 _"Work." I lied and shut the door behind me. I dropped my red jacket on the ground with a huff and stormed over to my room. To OUR room. She followed me in, looking tired herself. Did she stay up to see me?_

 _"You should've gone to sleep already." I stated, even though the words were unspoken, we both knew that I was saying that she shouldn't wait up next time. Next time..I couldn't lie to myself. There was going to be a next time._

 _Even if I didn't want it._

 **Don't tell me that I'm wrong**

 **I've walked that road before**

 **And left you on your own**

 **And please believe them when they say**

 **That it's left for yesterday**

 **And the records that I've played**

 **Please forgive me for all I've done**

 _"You're going to them again?_ _" She said angrily, slamming her hand on the table. I flinched a little at the sudden sound, but not enough for it to be noticeable._

 _"I have too! Or we lose our house!" I argued, slamming my own hand on the wall, a loud 'bang' was heard. It's been a month since I went to the loan sharks. A month since I lost my job. A month since I told her that I loved her._

 _"I'd rather lose our house than our lives!" She shouted, picking up a nearby vase. I felt anger rising in my chest, anger that I wanted to lash out at her. And I did._

 _She stared at my hand while I stared at her now red cheek. Tears clung to the corners of her eyes. "I..I.." I stuttered, not sure what to say, but I could tell that the anger still wasn't out of me yet, I had to go. I grabbed my jacket and opened the door, I was about to step out of the place when I felt cold arms around my stomach._

 _"Don't go...please.." She begged, tears soaked the back of my shirt. For we both know if I left, I wasn't coming back._

 _...And I did leave._

 **So I, I bet my life, I bet my life**

 **I bet my life on you**

 **I, I bet my life, I bet my life**

 **I bet my life on you**

I remember the sobbing I heard when that door closed, the crash of the vase. It took willpower not to turn back, but I knew if I did, she would get hurt again. It's been a week. A week without her. And my heart hurt more then ever. It twinged whenever I thought about what I did to her. That it was me this time, me who made her cry. I was the cause of those tears.

No one else.

I watched as my wife opened the doors, her eyes wide with shock. Her eyes were still puffy and red though, even after a week. My eyes trailed over her body, her hair was mess all knotted and unbrushed, her clothes were in ruins, all torn and dirty. The house wasn't doing any better either. There were glass pieces from broken glass scattered about, along with vase pieces. And the couch had a torn pillow and a blanket thrown on it, as if she had been sleeping on it. That's when my eyes trailed down to her hand. It was cut. Right in the middle of her backhand. It looked painful, but it wasn't new.

She never cleaned it. She never bandaged it.

And it finally dawned on me why.

She blamed herself for this. She blamed herself for all of this.

I opened my mouth to say something. Anything. But nothing would make up for all I've done, and I knew that. Maybe I muttered a sorry for my sake, maybe it was for her's. But it wouldn't make up for anything.

I closed my eyes as the men in suits walked through me, to talk to her. She greeted them polietely, hiding the sorrow in her eyes, and let them in. She sat on the couch, pushing the blanket aside, while the men sat on the chair.

I stood in between them, undetectable by them all, as I listened to the story they told her. My body was found in a garbage, a suiting place for me, and that I was killed in a drunk fight. It might've been true. It might've not. I don't remember how I died..I was drunk. I've- I was drinking a lot lately, I guess that's why I felt so angry towards her. My stress turned into anger by alcohol...

I watched tears fall down her cheeks once again. She covered her mouth in disbelief, not even trying to be brave anymore. The two men exchanged looks to each other before apologizing for her 'loss' and leaving the room.

It was just me and her in that room. Even if she didn't know I was there.

I felt tears stinging my own eyes as I took the seat beside her, attempting to hug her, comfort her. But I knew I couldn't.

I didn't deserve her.

No..she didn't deserve me.

I couldn't give her the life she deserved.

I couldn't be the man she deserved.

I couldn't make all her dreams come true.

I couldn't give her a perfect marriage.

I couldn't do anything for her.

I was just a burden that walked into her life, and destroyed it.

 **So I, I bet my life, I bet my life**

 **I bet my life on you**

 **I, I bet my life, I bet my life**

 **I bet my life on you**

Lucy..

"Natsu.."

I'm so sorry..

* * *

 **Sniff sniff...so did that make you guys cry? I'm going to be honest thinking about it made me cry a bit. And my head was tilted to the side, so the tears just kind of made a little puddle around the area of my eye. It was really weird wiping it. At the same time though, my sister was laughing evily, I was listening to Radioactive by imagine dragons, and when I open my eyes the sky was orange at midnight.**

 **Do you have any idea how scary that was?**

 **Especially after being in a car for 15 hours with your family so your mine is all woozy.**

 **...It was nuts.**

 **So anyways I hate sad stories but I always find myself reading them for some reason! It's weird!**

 **Oh well, I hope you enjoyed it.**

 **Peas~**


End file.
